Dear UFO Kooks,
Quit asking us about UFOs. Really. We don’t know anything, and if we did we wouldn’t tell you.
We’re the most secret organization in the world. You know howÂ you get to be the most secret organization in the world? By not telling people shit. That’s what we do. So quit asking. Â
Maybe you’reÂ thinking “Hey, you have to tell us what you know about UFOs! Our taxes pay your salaries!” Gosh, we’ve never heard that one before. We’ll be right over with a big stack of secret papers. Not.
Don’t like it? There’s this thing called a congressman. Write to him or her.
Maybe you’ve got a question like “oh, this isn’t really about UFOs, it’s just related to UFOs, maybe they’ll answer.” Wrong. We’ve put together a nice list of stuff we’re not going to tell you anything about. It’s here: http://www.nsa.gov/foia/foia00005.cfm
The irony is that we’re always telling people we don’t know stuff when we really do. But this time we don’t. Really. But no one will believes us. The irony keeps us awake at night.
Anyway, just read the list and quit bugging us. Thanks.
Love and hugs,
The National Security Agency
P.S. Here’s a picture of a UFO in Mexico. We got it from Google. Google says they’re lots of UFOs in Mexico. The Mexican government must know a lot about it. I’ll bet if you ask them, they’ll tell you everything.