I had an appointment with my urologist today.
Man, that’s got to be the best-ever opening sentence for a blog entry. Nothing draws in the reader like the word “urologist” and its many uncomfortable associations. Those tiny cups, the nurse asking you to explain your condition, the old people in the waiting room and the realization that you’re going to be one of those old people in the waiting room of the urologist someday and the follow-up realization that you’re already in that waiting room and you’re not so young anymore so guess what?
And, of course, the moment when the urologist asks you to drop trouser. I’m somewhat lucky in that my urologist strongly resembles Bill Murray, so I can pretend that it really is the star of Caddyshack touching my junk. It’s still an unpleasant experience, but at least I feel I’ve had a brush with fame.
Whatever helps us get through the day, right? And it happens that, on this day, I’m not the only one focused on celebrity junk-touching. Everyone’s abuzz over that big-shot preacher who’s been accused of visiting a male prostitute. And by visit, I don’t mean that they watched a DVD of Ghostbusters II.
For liberals like myself, it’s been Schadenfreude Friday (Schaden-Freuday?). After all, the guy is a White House insider and a booster for bans on gay marriage. How perfect is that?
I just wish, as a liberal, I had something to be happy about other than Republican misdeeds. The upcoming election looks good for Democrats because the Republicans look so goddamn awful lately. (When did that Mark Foley story break, last week or the week before?) Wouldn’t it be better if the Dems were pulling ahead because they had solutions to this country’s many problems? Maybe they do, but I haven’t heard them.
Schadenfreude is no way to run a country–shake it off people! Here’s a couple of points about Ted Haggard (that’s the preacher’s name) that should put things in perspective:
- The allegations of gay sex have not been proved. So far we only have the word of the prostitute; Haggard says they never touched uglies. He does admit that he bought methamphetamine from the accuser, and that the guy gave him a massage. But according to Haggard, that’s it.
- OK, buying meth from a gay hooker sounds bad. But Haggard says he didn’t use the meth–he threw it away. Can you prove he didn’t? Because I can’t.
- The whole gay marriage thing does not make Haggard a hypocrite. There’s no indication that he ever planned to marry his little man-whore.
All right, so who’s got ideas on how to cut our dependence on foreign oil? Anyone?