Everyone off the Cloud

I have replaced all the pictures of Bella Lugosi on my site with pictures of Jerry Lewis. If you look back at my Sept. 21, 2005 entry, you’ll see that the text refers to a picture of Bella but that the attached picture is actually of Jerry (possibly from 1964’s “The Disorderly Orderly”).

What the heck–I’ll attach it to this entry too.

Why have I done this? Because the world is full of lazy goths.

It works like this–Lazy goths like to post their personal info on sites where other lazy goths hang out. This vital data includes the names of their favorite Suicide Girls and how many times they’ve watched “Nightmare Before Christmas” and rambling text about how broken they are on the inside.

Kids will be kids. I got no problem with that.

However… because they like to ramble on and post many pictures of girls in black corsets, they eventually run our of server space. This creates a problem, because Aleister Crowley demands all of his disciples include a photo of Bella Lugosi on their Web pages.

To get around this requirement, the gothlings code their HTML so that, when other goths surf to their site, their goth-browsers grab my picture of Bella and insert it into the page.

As a result, I can’t get reliable statistics on how many people visit my site. I know there’s a lot of data moving from my server into the world, but how much of it is people reading my writing and how much is zombie-browsers grabbing Bella?

Bella Lugosi as Dracula. Well, no one’s grabbing Bella from me anymore. Already, pictures of Jerry are popping up all across goth-cyberspace. And as we all know, the only thing that burns a vampire worse than sunlight is the site of that crazy kid with the buck teeth and the bowl haircut and the “hey lady!”

To all goths: server space is cheap. Cheap! Put down that clove cigarette, get a part-time job, and use your first paycheck to upgrade from the “free” version of your current server. If you’re too lazy to work part-time, get Mommy Goth and Daddy Goth to pay. Either way, you’ll get more server space than you can possibly fill, and you’ll no longer screw with my site statistics.

I’m Maurice Martin, and I approved this message.

Note: This post, like all posts from July to October 2006, originally appeared on my other Web site. So, all those goth links are really pointed there. Like you care, anyway.

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