Of all the things I’ve posted to this site, nothing has generated more traffic than the discussion about making halloween masks based on the character “Rorschach” from the graphic novel “The Watchmen.” Last year I posted a picture of myself in the mask I made waaay back when (click on the pic to enlarge it), and people started writing to ask how they could make one of their own. I asked people to send pictures of their own Rorschach masks and the whole thing snowballed.

As my original instructions were in a comment on one of the postings, I’ve decided to repost it here to make it easier to find. If you’ve got tips for improving the mask-making process, leave a comment.

Happy St. Rorschach Day!

Instructions: You will need… Read the rest of this entry »

Move over McGruff! The real canine crimestopper is this spotted beagle (you may need to scroll down to see him). Thanks, Boingboing.

I’m not obsessed with the Watchmen. Really. I can quit any time.

All right, now three people–Spacejunk42, Geoffrey, and Shawn–have written to say they’re dressing up as Rorschach for Halloween, and they’re using my instructions for making a Rorschach costume. Which is cool!

But give something back to the Surly Robot. Send me a picture of yourself as Rorschach! Also, if you get laid the night you wear your Rorschach costume, you have to send a picture of the girl in her costume.

True story: I wore my Rorschach to my friend Krantoor’s party, which ended early. So I’m walking home as Rorschach and I pass this house where there’s a party going on and it sounds great. At the time, I was making an effort to crash at least one party every year, so I said what the hell.

Well, let me tell you… chicks dig Rorschach! Not enough to go home with me, but still. The attached photo is of some of the women I talked to that night.

To state the obvious: If a guy’s wearing a Rorschach mask, a girl can pretty much project on him anything she wants to see. That’s good news for you, younsters.

Send me stories, pictures, and tips for making a better Rorschach costume. It’s on!

Damn, I am so sick of you people asking to see the first issue of “Poo-Flinging Monkey.” Here it is, you greedy bastards. Now quit bugging me.

Further proof that I was born to play Rorschach in the upcoming Watchmen movie. This is a shot of me in character as Burgler Sam Sam the Mugger during the shooting of “Mug,” a video project by my friend and Hoppervideo.net auteur Rob Parrish.

I’ve got experience playing guys who wearing stocking masks. Why wouldn’t I get the part of Rorschach?

Shortly after this picture was taken, Arlington’s finest arrived in three squad cars demanding to know why a guy in a stocking mask was standing in the middle of Glebe Road videotaping passing cars (actually, only pretending to videotape passing cars, but they couldn’t know that). Rob explained the project, and the cops were cool about it. “I’m all for free speech,” said the officer who spoke to us. “Besides, a real terrorist wouldn’t walk around in a stocking mask.”

I have to say, we’ve got a pretty good police force here. They’re on the ball, but not in your face. The only time I’ve seen them freaking out was on 9-11. And considering that one of the hijacked planes crashed in their jurisdiction, that’s pretty understandable.

You remember Rorschach from the Watchmen? silly question–of course you do.

Well, Trent sent me a link to the first picture of Rory from the upcoming Watchmen movie. Check it out:
http://movies.ign.com/articles/771/771947p1.html

The article says the part of Rorschach hasn’t been cast yet, which means I still have a shot. The photo here is me in my Halloween costume, circa. 1992. It’s the role I was born to play!

My luck is nothing if not consistant. Case in point: I find a comic book blog I really, really like called “Seven Hells.” I crack up reading the Seven Deadly Signs of villiany series, and I find out that the blogger, Devon Sanders, works in D.C. at Big Monkey Comics. That’s just across the river! Cool!

Then, the punchline–he just this week put “Seven Hells” to rest. D’oh!

Still, I’ve got a backlog of nearly two years to work my way through… Maybe Devon will come out of retirement if enough of us leave comments on his blog (hint hint).

I suppose it’s a conflict of interest for me to review my own comic. Well too bad. This one-shot appearance in “Tales of Freelancing” is my first paying gig in years, and I intend to hype it to Hell and back.

Just look at that cover–am I kicking ass or what? That puny human doesn’t stand a chance against my monstrous metal magnificence!

In the story, I get an assignment to write an article about Grant Morrison for some third-rate Web zine. Just as I finish writing the piece, the zine editor calls to say he didn’t get his second round of venture capital, his zine is bankrupt, and he’s going back to his sales job at Old Navy.

Normally, when an editor cancels an assignment, the writer gets what we call a “kill” fee. But this loser claims he can’t pay. Long story short: After spending a little time with my Octo-Gun, he’s more than happy to pay a “please don’t kill me” fee. Deadbeat punk!

The story is loosely based on an actual incident. In real life, there was no fight–in lieu of a kill fee the ex-editor let me shoplift a bunch of Performance Fleece. But made up or not, the fight scenes in the book ROCK. Buy it now!

If I get some real money out of this, I can quit this Web shite altogether. My domain name will lapse and get picked up by some online porn company. You’ll know I’m on Easy Street if you’re suddenly redirected to www.nasty-grannies.com. Keep your fingers crossed.

Professor Xtos didn’t agree with what I wrote about DK2–namely, that it works best as fish wrap. Impudent ignoramus! Needless to say, I’m changing the access codes on the Fortress of Surlitude. He’ll be cut to ribbons by my automated death laser next time he shows up for poker night.

Below you’ll find the text of his e-mail, somewhat edited. I reprint it not in the interested of “equal time” or “balanced journalism” (fie!), but only to illustrate why annihilation is not only justified but necessary. It’s full of “spoilers,” so hold your nose.

Well, I finally read all of DK2. I may be treading on thin sheet metal here, but I have to disagree with your review. I mean, it wasn’t anything like the original, which was dense, and had a concrete story line–I agree with you there. And if I’d read it stand-alone, not as a sequel, I wouldn’t think much of it… but, here’s the weird part, I think that it works best when you consider it as a sequel.

I think that the differences between it and DK1.0 make it interesting… that it’s the OPPOSITE of dense and concrete… instead, it’s iconic, the drawings are big, bold, wildly-colored, and the story is the same, meant to be skimmed, kind of.

I know what you mean about the “man in the street” seeming to be idiotic, but there’s an overall consistency to it… that Joe Six-Pack had been seduced and manipulated by Lex Luthor and company, and that the “heroes”, when they lost the battle for the hearts and minds of the people, gave up, went away, or sold out. Even in the current Superman comic there’s a hint of this with Luthor getting elected President, and Supes being conflicted about how to deal with it.

And it makes a kind of sense that Batman, alone of the heroes, says “fuck that!” The conversations between Batman and Superman, and especially Batman and the Flash, are consistent with this… and GL says something like “Funny that it was Batman, the *mean* one, who called it right.”

In execution the story is kind of weak, because no one can have a clue except Batman… the depiction of Wonder Woman was really bad, I thought… and the “daughter of Superman” thing was totally contrived… it could’ve been written to have Supes do all of her parts, but it wouldn’t have LOOKED as cool… that was where the skimming part was really needed.

I forgave the Green Lantern ex machina… I mean, GL had to be convinced to come back, and he obviously didn’t want to stick around, so Bats offered him a clearly defined task to arrive, accomplish, and split without even setting foot on the planet… OK, it’s a stretch, but whatever… when you want to talk seriously about that part, you know where to find me.

I actually thought the end was funny, in a way… Supes and his daughter wondering what they were going to do with “their” planet… which is exactly what would happen if there really WAS a Superman, a point that was made in Miracleman how many years ago? It’s not something that DC has ever made even the smallest allusion to, as far as I know. -Xtos

Diodes… melting… circuits… jammed… ERROR… ERROR… pi equals three point one four one… five… uh… nine… something… curse… your… human… logic….

A couple weeks back Professor Xtos and I attended SPX 2002 in Bethesda, Md. Dozens of tables, hundreds of comic titles, lots of comic book luminaries in attendance.

The star-spotting began even before we got inside. While Xtos stood at the front desk of the Holiday Inn Select trying to get change for the parking meter, a blond Lisa Loeb-ish gal lurked nearby. Turns out to be none other than Jessica Abel, creator of Artbabe.

It was a little embarrassing, the way she shamelessly checked us out. But the Professor noted that she’s probably used to being around geeky fanboys, not studly supervillains like us.

While touring the floor, I noticed a bald guy signing autographs at one table and a long line of people waiting to see him. Waddya know– Frank Miller. I thought this was pretty cool, until I remembered my review where I trashed DK2. What if he read it and wanted to fight? (He must have known who I am–there weren’t that many robots at the show.)

He looked like a formidable opponent–he’s got that gritty, bar-brawling air. Big, broken-looking nose. Mind you, I could have taken him (I had my XL-700 handy). I just didn’t feel like fighting him, that’s all. I walked on by, but I made a point of not asking for his autograph. I think he got the message.

Besides, there’s other people more deserving of my servo-driven smack-down. I looked around for uber-hack Frank Cho (creator of Liberty Meadows), but he wasn’t at his table. No doubt he saw me coming and ran from my monstrous metal magnificence.

Professor Xtos spotted Ted Rall and gave him props for this comic. I met Bill Plympton and told him I had always thought, for some reason, that he was British. He said he gets that a lot. Then I bought this Jeffrey Dahmer comic and was able to get Derf to sign it for me. Derf actually went to high school with Dahmer and tells a twisted tale of paying him to act weird at the mall.

I also bought the latest book from Tony Consiglio, creator of the hilarious series Double Cross. Moving one table down, I found his buddy Alex Robinson and bought the book version of his series Box Office Poison.

Robinson had issued some of this material in an earlier collection, which I had bought at an earlier Expo. I don’t like to purchase the same material twice, but Robinson gave me a free comic in compensation after I “convinced” him this was the right way to treat a fan. (Don’t worry, I only crushed his skull partway.)

I bought a lot more comics, some of which I’ll review over the next few months. I did not stay within my $100 budget, but neither did I bankrupt myself (like in 2000). I think Professor Xtos wrecked a similar degree of mayhem. We also implanted each attendee with a mind-controlling alien symbiot–but you’ll hear more about that soon enough on the national news.